Routine Changes Are Difficult And Painful
A change in a familiar routine can be so f’ing difficult and painful. We recently said goodbye to our 14.5 y/o pup Leica. She has been with my husband and I since the 2nd year of our marriage and has been through many changes and moves. During this time, she was our constant, making other changes easier and more familiar.
The amygdala, our reptilian brain involved in experiencing emotions, is programed for pattern recognition. Familiar patterns create safety and stability, whether these patterns are healthy for us or not. The initial patterns are set very early on in childhood between the ages of 0 and 8ish y/o. During that time, the human brain is in a type of download state, taking in a lot of information and registering it as a set-point. For example, I was the 3rd born in a family of 4 children, and my mom babysat for income. There were 6-7 children at our house at any given time; the house was never quiet; my normal set-point was noise. I came to experience silence as unfamiliar, uncomfortable, and lonely.
Over the past couple of years, certain aspects of our routine with Leica changed, such as the type of food we prepared her and the length of her walks, and how long we left her alone. However, the routine and pattern of waking up to her dancing feet, preparing her 2 meals a day and taking her on daily walks continued. There was a significant familiarity to the routine.
Consistent and coherent change takes conscious awareness, repetition, and a gentle firmness. Not harsh discipline.
The little girl controlled by my amygdala is heartbroken and doesn’t understand why she had to say goodbye. She has been saddened every step of the way and the initial routine changes, have been devastating. I have honored her feelings, let her sob, and gently and consciously made changes to her routine. As a leader of my vital energy, I am consciously aware of her need to have her time to feel, clear, cleanse and to set a new routine in time rather than to pull up her bootstraps and move on filling the time and space with busy tasks.
As a leader of vital energy, I honor the little girls and boys inside of the human nervous systems as I inspire behavioral and routine changes in others.
