I Couldn’t Do It

I couldn’t control and command this girl to get into a cold shower today. I couldn’t reason or rationalize with her, telling her that the autonomic nervous system reset, and mitochondrial activation would feel good and help to shift her out of her sadness. 

Nope. This time she was stubborn in a new way. She wanted to sit with her feelings and feel them deeply even though it f’ing sucks. She wasn’t going to stuff them down or distract herself like she learned from her ancestors. Instead, she wants to clear them; to use this opportunity to sob and shake, releasing the energy of her emotions, and to cry that it’s not fair to have to say goodbye. 

I know exactly what that little girl wants. She doesn’t want people to feel sorry for her, she’s not a victim. She doesn’t want her pain comforted away by other people telling her that it’s all gonna be ok or to try to rationalize her feelings away by sharing “she lived a beautiful life, she was over 14.5 y/o, you didn’t want her to suffer, you were such great pet parents, she couldn’t live forever, etc” Nor will she let her mind rationalize away why she shouldn’t feel sad or why she should be grateful, by suggesting “she lived to a ripe old age, she no longer had joy, she had an amazing life, it was her time, you were guided to make the perfect decision, you gave her a gift, you took her pain away.” 

Nope. For the first time in her life, she wants to deeply feel and let her sadness and grief expand her heart’s ability to love. She wants to be witnessed and to have her feelings validated. She wants someone to walk beside her to sit with her through her pain, to share in the beauty, and together shine light on the darkness in the world. 

Her hope is that she will ignite a movement of feeling deeply, honoring, and letting go.